Hot Single Celtic Dinosaurs

(Things are a little hectic this week, so while I continue to work on a very exciting post about my cooking history, have a re-post from a now defunct and deleted blog that I remain inappropriately amused by. –BH)

Guys.

Guys.

Did you know you can look up your name on Urban Dictionary?

I love UD. I have to use it a lot, because I was taught to read out of the King James Bible, so my slang lexicon isn’t entirely up to date. For instance, just yesterday I heard a line in an old Jay-z song that went, “Mami’s a rider, and I’m a roller.” The only words I understood were “a”, “and”, and “I’m”. Thanks to the UD, I now know that a mami is an attractive young woman, a rider is a devoted girlfriend, and a roller is either a cop on foot patrol, a collapsed vein, or the bass line of a song.

Clearly, the Urban Dictionary is a fantastically useful website that reflects the evolving nature of human language. Excitingly, for me, it has a few things to say about what a Brittany (n.) is.

Brittany: A girl usually born in American in the 80’s or 90’s.

True. I was born in 1982, which makes me one of the older Brittanys I’ve ever met. It was actually a pretty rare name when I was in school. No one could remember it–I usually got called Tiffany or Bethany.

Brittany’s are very attractive, popular, and have good hearts. Everyone wishes to be as cool as the Brittany’s and are jealous when they can’t compare. 

Obviously.

Sometimes Brittany’s are a little blonde, but it’s simply because they love life and laughing.

At 5’10, I hardly think I qualify as a little blonde.

Brittanys can be insecure but they shouldn’t be, people try to bring them down but Brittanys will always end up winning…they need to realize how wonderful they are.

Who wrote this? Where are you? (Are you single?)

Like all good dictionaries, the entry includes an instance of how Brittany (n.) is used in a sentence:

“Wow, I wish I could date a Brittany.”
“Sorry man, she’s WAY out of your league.”

Well. I was an English major. I’m hardly going to argue with a dictionary.

There’s more, though. There are actually five definitions for Brittany. Hardly sufficient to thoroughly encapsulate such a nuanced concept, but at least they make an effort.

2. Brittanys make horrible enemys cause they hold very strong grudges, it is very hard to get on a brittanys bad side but when you do watch out. brittanys will not tolerate being disrespected.

It’s not actually that hard. Flagrant neglect of proper capitalization will get you on my bad side in no time flat.

3. They usually like Taylor Swift songs, like “you belong with me” or “sparks fly”.

The taylor swift, that’s a kind of bird, right?

4. One of the 6 Celtic Nations.

Brittany is the most attractive and popular of the Celtic nations. All the other Celtic nations want to date Brittany. Cornwall was totally checking Brittany out after homeroom the other day.

5. One who was a dinosaur in a previous life. She usually demonstrates her past life through excessive roaring when stressful situations are encountered.

This…this explains so much.

Urban Dictionary also includes a helpful mini-thesaurus at the beginning of each entry. The listed synonyms for Brittany are:

britney slut sex whore awesome funny spears sexy bitch britt cool hot amazing beautiful britany brittney love brit ass boobs

I am forced to conclude that identity is, perhaps, not a fixed concept for anyone. Thanks for reading! Love, Awesome Funny Spears.

 

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